most people dread mondays. especially the monday after a long weekend or a holiday. ugh the monday after a “food filled holiday” feels like the twilight zone. you kinda feel like you have to clear everything from the rooter to the tooter cuz you’re stuffed, vegged, bloated and quite possibly just exhausted. even if you did absolutely nothing during the break.
this monday was no different. but with all intentions i rolled out of bed with a desire to make it different.
for about 6 months now my husband and i have been starting the week with early morning prayer. 30 minutes of purposeful prayer, meditation and preparation for the day, week, and whatever may come our way. it’s been a tremendous help to both of us. but lately, i’ve been resistant (CONFESSION) not rebellious, i’ve been there. i’ve been praying and agreeing but almost going through the motions. one of our associate pastors calls it ‘the spirit of nod’. (as soon as you decide to give God you’re undivided attention, all of a sudden you get sleepy and start nodding).
he said if we realize that anything is trying to stop us from quiet time with God, we have to purpose in our heart to be willing, our bodies and our minds will try to rationalize why we shouldn’t do something, even IF it’s something for God.
so i diligently woke up this morning, gathered myself and purposed for a brand new intention and desire to PRAY. so there i sat, ready, willing, and able—until BOOM, this time it wasn’t the spirit of nod, but the spirit of nausia, cold sweats, the salty-salivating-under-the-tongue-before-you-hurl…you name it, the symptoms of ‘OMG i’m going to throw up’ was all i could feel.
now i must tell you that my husband and i had talked about changing our desire to wanting to do something as opposed to feeling obligated to do something especially prayer at 5:30am when we would honestly rather be sleeping.
so when this sudden ‘spirit of slosh’ came over me, i felt like he was looking at me thinking GIVE ME A BREAK WUTEVA. but he never said that, instead he changed his prayer target and began to pray over me. he began to ask God to cause the symptoms to go away and whatever was causing me to become distracted and take my attention off of God had no right to assume authority over me.
WOW! that was it. that was what i needed to hear.
for the past little while i’d felt sick. physically, emotionally, spiritually i was sick. beyond sick and tired, i was disgusted. so disgusted i was ready to just quit. quit helping, quit praying for people, quit training people, quit trying to encourage people to life healthy and get their lives together. i was just done.
but this prayer opened my eyes. before i went to bed i opened up my notes from the Sunday morning service and just stared at the page. with my eyes filled with tears i begged the Lord for his Mercy. i begged and repented that He wouldn’t forsake me and pass me by and remove the opportunity He had given me to influence the lives of women through fitness. i repented for allowing my work to take authority over me.
i stared at the page “i know your works, your labor, your patience, and that you cannot bear those who are evil…and you have persevered and have patience and have labored for My name’s sake and have not become weary.Nevertheless, I have this one thing against you, that you have left your first love. Remember therefore from where you have fallen, repent and do the first works or else I will come to you quickly and remove your lampstand.”(Revelation 2:2-5)
i cried. i cried. and i cried. sunday morning i cried. sunday night i cried. monday morning as i was getting ready for work i cried. but they were not tears of sadness. they were tears of revelation. realizing that HE WILL NEVER LEAVE ME OR FORSAKE ME.
i cried today as i meditated on the revelation. i cried because i realize in all of my efforts to truly be a motivation and inspire others to transform their lives i was becoming exhausted because i was using my own strengths even in the name of Christ. i had become so READY to do it with HIM instead of letting HIM do it through me.
i cry in reverence of revelation. a revelation of something isn’t just an understanding. it’s an understanding & recognition of THE TRUTH that’s intended specifically for you. it’s having a teachable spirit toward learning how to use it and taking the first step, with repentance.
whether i’m training a client, managing my fitness & nutrition regimen, teaching my children the value of time & patience, chatting with a friend, or looking in the mirror. i pray that everything is because of Christ IN me. INVADE MY LIFE LORD.
when God speaks to us, it’s often in subtle tones, whispers, confirmations and interruptions.
in the book Becoming More Than a Good Bible Study Girl, Lysa TerKeurst says
“I walked around for years with a little heart-shaped cup, holding it out to other people and things trying to find fulfillment. Whatever it is, if we are really going to stop circling the mountain and head north toward lasting changes, we have to empty ourselves of the lie that other people or things can ever fill our hearts to the full. Then we have to deliberately and intentionally fill up on God’s truths and stand secure in His love.”
i cried because Christ will keep me if I want to be kept. The bible says that we will never be tempted beyond what we can bear and that He will provide a way of escape. that escape isn’t to run away from the thing but to run back into His arms which is the only true freedom.
what have you been hoping would fill your heart shaped cup? acceptance from certain people, your child(ren)’s accomplishments, your husband (to-be), food, the ‘perfect number on the scale’?